As I wrote about in the introduction, Rom and I recently came up with our Family Pillars — a set of phrases or words to live by.
Here they are:
I’ve already written about Structure brings ease and An Open Heart. Today, I am going to write about…
Life is delightful
We wanted to choose a pillar that recognized the joy children exhibit, to acknowledge their inherent exuberance, to remember to revel in that special levity they can bring into our lives.
Things haven’t been feeling very delightful around here; in fact, just the opposite. There is a lot of fighting between the kids, lots of toys everywhere, cluttered countertops, dirty floors, tired parents… It can be easy to for Rom and I to feel bogged down by and reactive to it all, and this is a way to remind ourselves to lighten up and focus on what really matters.
When Orlando was younger, it was much easier (in fact, it required little to no effort) to be in his world, to see things from his point of view, to appreciate his excitement and his exploration. As Orlando grew and we added another kid to the mix, I could see my patience diminishing, my flexibility seizing up, and I could hear myself sounding like a humorless and bossy grown-up. You know the one! The one who says, “Haven’t I told you a million times BLAH BLAH BLAH.”
Yech.
In nonviolent communication, they talk of “beautiful needs,” meaning that all needs — yes, everyone’s needs — are beautiful. No one person’s needs are better than another’s, because our needs are universal. Our strategies for getting them differ, and not all strategies seem beautiful, but what’s going on underneath is.
Somehow, Rom and I have lost our connection to the delightful aliveness of our children, and are stuck reacting to their outer behaviors, wanting to blot out the loudness, the fighting, and the clinging rather than accept, rechannel, or explore them.
To be alive is delightful. It just depends on your perspective. This phrase reminds us to delight in the small stuff, and to remember the big, beautiful stuff, too.
Tomorrow: Naturally.